Archive for December, 2006

please no more drama

We have so much drama going on in this house right now. First I have had a freakin migraine for weeks now. I am now taking 2 different drugs daily and then my migraine pill when needed. I finally woke up this morning without the migraine.  Second off the new puppy we got for Christmas got to close to the house beagle while he was eating last night and he poked her in the eye with a tooth. The vet doesn’t know if she will lose it or not. L Next dd’s best friend called last night and told dd she had lost her first tooth. Well dd had a tooth that was just starting to become loose. Guess what she did.. yep she pulled it out herself last night. : O Ok so that’s not so bad b/c it finally stopped bleeding after about 30 mins. The bad thing was she wanted a charm bracelet like Blue from Blue’s Clues got when she lost a tooth. No the tooth fairy wasn’t ready for that so I told her the tooth fairy would want daddy to see it and she would understand about her putting it under her pillow the next night. Then we woke up this morning and found our cat beside the highway dead. L Last my face is breaking out so bad from the new make up I bought.

My grandmother is hanging on for now. She’s back to not talking. She mostly sleeps now. I couldn’t wake her today. Still asking for no pain or suffering.

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She pulled her feeding tube out yesterday. They sent her to the ER to put it back and she waited till she was back at the nursing home then pulled it back out. We are going to leave it out. I couldn’t wake her much today.  I will go check on her tomorrow after the kids open their gifts.

I would like to say thanks for all the prayers/thoughts. It’s wonderful to know you are thinking about her. I will keep you updated.

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it’s coming..

I talked to ds last night and he decided he needed to say goodbye. So this morning after dd’s Christmas party at school the three of us went out to visit. She was sleeping so I told him to whisper in her ear, then dd whispered and then I did. We all said “I love you and it’s OK”. We left after that. I brought the kid’s home and then went back to town. I had a meeting with the lady from hospice at 2:30 so I went a little early so I could visit alone. When I walked in she was awake. When she saw me standing there she started talking and then said “I am ready to go home and be with Cecil”, then she asked for me to get someone in there to pray with us. I got them to call someone for her and they did. When they were praying with us she said, “Come get me”. After that I decided I should call family. I called my uncle but no answer. I called my cousin and she talked to Mamaw and told her it was OK to go. Then I called my aunt and she talked to her and told her she was on the way. I then called my dad and told him to come and tell her it was OK to go.. he did. My dad got a hold of my uncle and he came out. Another cousin called and talked to Mamaw and Mamaw told her she was ready to see Didie (what we called my grandpa). Somewhere in there the lady from hospice came in and stayed with me for a while (this was before I started calling). My cousin ended up driving 2 hours tonight to see her in person and she said Mamaw was really stressing the praying and then clinging to whoever was holding her hand. When I finally went down to sign the paper work from hospice the lady and I talked about some things and we think she’s getting ready to go. We seen this when dh’s grandpa died.. it was like he was getting better then bam he was gone. Every time the phone rings I think the worse is coming. I know she will be better but I will miss her badly. Still praying for no pain and suffering. L

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My grandmother is back at the nursing home. We don’t know how long she has left. I am pretty sure it’s sooner rather than later. When I first asked about hospice I was told she would have to be back at the nursing home 100 days before they could start hospice. I got a call today saying they had looked over her chart and they were going to go ahead and get hospice started ASAP. I had to go by and sign a DNR today also. My uncle is throwing me all of this now. Last week he couldn’t even call me the day she went to the hospital but now I am making all the choices for her.

My dd went with me today to see her. I told her Mamaw was very sick but she wanted to go anyway. Dd told her she loved her and it was OK. I am going to see what ds thinks about going out to see her tomorrow. I was about his age when my grandpa (mom’s dad) died and I still regret not going to tell him bye the day he died. I was asked to dance with my dance class for the 4th of July Celebration and had practice for it when my mom called. She had called many times before saying she had gotten a call and he wasn’t going to make it. She told me to go on to practice that day he would be ok so I did. Only that’s the day he died and I felt like it was my fault b/c I didn’t go. Anyway I don’t want my son to feel that way so I hope he wants to go and say goodbye to her but I won’t make him go if he doesn’t want too.

I did call my dr. today about my migraines. They couldn’t get me in today but asked what was going on. I am now on antidepressant medicine for the migraines and the stress. I have to go in and talk to him in 2 weeks. Sorry I haven’t updated in a few days. I do want to thank you all for reading and for thinking of us. Please feel free to leave comments I love hearing from you. It gives my mind other things to think about. I will update soon.

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long days

I found out today that the Dr. is planning to send my grandmother back to the nursing home either tomorrow or Wednesday. Her kidneys have started to fail and she has had a bladder infection. She slept almost the whole time I was there today. She asked me right after I got there this morning “if she could go up?” 😦

I am having problems with my migraines and the meds I take for them aren’t helping like they should. They are also making my sick to my stomach or that could be from my lack of hunger. I can’t tell for sure if it’s the long days or the meds making me sleepy.

I decided to come home after our Christmas get together yesterday and spend time with the kids. I am home again tonight b/c dh is gone back to work. I only have a few more days with the kids being at school to sit with her. I am trying to catch up on some housework and laundry. My dd is not dealing with all of this very well. She has had 2 accidents since all of this started. Well I need to frost some cookies for her gymnastics party and get her out of the tub. I will update when I have a minute.

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she’s dying..

We found out she has Cerebral Atrophy. Which means her brain is shrinking and it has been for a few years now. She is having small strokes more often now. Today we learned her kidneys are starting to shut down. I keep telling her she can go be with my grandpa, that we will all be OK. We had a feeding tube put in yesterday but we also put a DNR in her orders. As long as she’s not stable she can’t go back to the nursing home.. which if you ask me is a good thing. I am praying she doesn’t go back there and can die in peace with someone there with her or in her sleep. I have been by her side from 8 or 9 am to 9 pm everyday since I found out she was in the hospital. Others come in to visit but never for long. The uncle says he’s going to sit with her tomorrow b/c we are going to my mom’s mothers for Christmas @ 1 tomorrow. I hope he holds true to his word b/c I hate leaving her alone during the day. It does brother me a night leaving her but I also feel like crap b/c I have 2 kids here at home I am missing. I need some sleep. I will update when I can.

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that’s all we can do right now. I got to the hospital later than I wanted to today. I walked in at 9:00. She was alone again. Her dr. came in at 9:10 and asked if we wanted a feeding tube. Of course the uncle has to say yes or no and he’s not there so I called his cell phone and he gave the OK for the feeding tube. No word on her MRI so more waiting. Finally about 10:30 the uncle comes in. He stayed 30 minutes and said he would be back later. About 3 pm the nurse comes in and says the dr. has ordered a MRI b/c she hasn’t had one yet?! They came and got her around 4:15 for the MRI. The Neurologist comes down the hall as she’s going to the MRI and tells me she thought my grandmother had already had it done so we would have to wait till morning to find out how much damage is done. She then asked me if she had a DNR.. I have no idea. She hints that before the Surgeon goes to put the feeding tube in they really need/want to know this. I told her I would talk to the uncle before the morning. I called him this evening and asked him if she had a DNR. He didn’t know for sure but asked me what I thought about it. I told him that wasn’t a decision I was making. He asked why I thought he should make it alone. I told him we could make it together.. he agreed. I told him she would NOT won’t to be in the state she’s in right now for the rest of her life and he once again agreed. I then asked him what he thought and he said about the same. So I then asked what we were going to do and he said a DNR. We are going to sign it in the morning before she goes in for the feeding tube. The uncle nor his wife showed up tonight. I left when they said visiting hours were over. I will be back as soon as the kids are at school.

I am slowly losing my beauty rock. She is slipping away more everyday. I feel like tomorrow is going to be an emotional day. I sometimes think she is holding on until everyone tells her it’s OK to go. Oh lord please just let it be peaceful.

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