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Archive for October, 2007

night 2

Gotta hurry. The meds are kicking in again lol. Jen, you shouldn’t be to jealous b/c that night alone has come back to kick me in the @ss. Both my kids are running fever and complaining with sore throats. Can you guess what’s going around at the school right now?

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Since turning 30 life’s been rough. I have had a migraine, heartburn, a tenstion headache and now I am pretty sure I have a sinus infection. If I thought it would help I would poke a hole in my head to let the pressure out.

My mom has my kids for the night so I could rest. I have watched We are Marshall (great movie) and then caught up on Grey’s, CSI : Miami, and ER. I thought I would come here to catch up before returning to the TV.

DD’s soccer is over for the season. They had a team party today. The trophies I picked out were a hit. 🙂 I found some soccer ribbons at the Dollar Tree the other day so they each got one of those too.

Ds starts basketball the 2nd week in November so I get about a week off. This will be his first time to play so we both will learn about basketball.

Well the meds I took are starting to kick in and the screens getting a little blurry. Till next time… 

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lol my party started at 7:30. I started off drinking wine coolers. After 2 of them I thought it would be smart to shoot some tequila (not so smart) b/c I didn’t stop till I shot 6. So you can imagine I got sick. I was throwing up by 8:30 then I got a migraine and had to go to sleep. I did get back up around midnight and still had some people here.

I did have a great day. My girl in-laws and I went shopping that morning. Then we went to eat at one of my favorite pubs. I got the birthday song sang to me there. 🙂 All in all it was a wonderful day.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes!

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It’s here…

30 that is.

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yes that’s right I have a whole week for my birthday lol. 😉 Dh says it’s more like a month.

I am so excited about this birthday. Call me crazy but I am looking forward to 30. It seems that I am ready to leave the 20’s behind. Good thing since Saturday’s the big day.

I have been getting things ready for the party. Another friend is turning 30 Thursday so we are combining a party at my house. It’s been fun shopping for all things Thirty. My mother in law and 2 sister in laws are going to decorate while I take dd to a Halloween party. My mom has ordered the cake… a little scary b/c I told her to “surprise” me with it. The party is for adults only.

I got a new camera for my birthday. It was on sale so I already have it. 🙂 While I am off to watch the news.

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deciding if…

I can write another letter. I know I can write it but do I write it here or on paper?

Dear Mom,

I have needed to write this for a long time now. There are so many things I need to say. First off, I love you and I thank you for giving me life. I am glad you weren’t selfish with my life when you couldn’t raise me. I am grateful that you were able to leave me where I was better off.

Now I need to tell you that I remember much more than you think I do. I remember you leaving me in the middle of the night when you thought I was sleeping. Momma I cried for you and all I got was a spanking for it. I don’t understand how you did that b/c it breaks my heart in two when I see one of mine cry. 

I remember you being at my 5th birthday. I remember trying to live with you that year. I’m sorry that didn’t work out but I was missing home.

My next memory is when I was 8 and I got you a necklace for your birthday. You got mad at me one night and ripped it off your neck and threw it in the floor of the car.

At 9 you were with a guy I couldn’t stand but it didn’t stop me from visiting you. I could see he was hurting you but there was nothing I could do. Once you did get away I was so happy.

The Christmas I was 10 you brought a new guy into the picture. I really liked him and was happy to see you so happy. That was also the last Christmas we had with Papaw B. he was so sick.

My memories got better after the new guy came along. You couldn’t have picked a better man. I am glad you to found each other and I hope you stay together forever.

We have a better relationship now but I never did understand why you were/are so negative when it came to the people who took me into their home and gave me a life you couldn’t. I know you weren’t ready to be a mom and I am OK with that. I just want you to stop thinking I don’t remember anything from my past. They loved me and raised me to be the person I am today. I am not saying I wouldn’t have loved to be raised by my parents but you couldn’t and they did. I think I turned out to be one hell of a woman, wife and mom. I learned from both of the women in my life.

I have started learning to forgive.  I am now ready to forgive you and hope you understand why I wrote this.

Love, Brandy

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Dear Dad,

I am writing this so that I can understand you. For many years I have wondered why you never came for me? Was I a disappointment to you? Why you married someone with kids that weren’t your own but raised them as they were? I never understand why I didn’t fit into to your life. I did try every chance I got to be yours, but still never got what I was looking for. I don’t remember being told “Brandy I love you” unless you were to drunk to remember saying it. Was I not important enough for you to say those words to me? Why is drinking number one in your life? I do remember you taking up for your “other” kids but not your blood. Why would you never stand up for me? Did you just not want me?

I hear about being “daddy’s girl” and I did get that but not from you. I am now able to forgive you b/c I know now that I am not an accident, God had plans for me and choose you for my dad. I also know that I had a better life b/c of the “parents” that raised me. Now that they are both gone I am ready to move own and start forgiven. So I started with you. I am not looking for anything, just my piece of mind. I am ready to live my life differently and I want to thank you for helping give me life.

Love,
Brandy

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